Where does the time go?

Wow, you feel like you are on top of things, but then you turn your head and it has been a week...time is the most precious commodity we have and sometimes it feels like I waste it.
Not that what I do EVER has any particular importance...I watch a lot of movies, play cards, etc...but it is all stuff I enjoy. I guess I am just passing time until...well, until what I don't know. The end of life, I guess.
Sometimes things come up and I think, well, time will take care of that...but as time starts passing, suddenly events move fast and while yes, that might disappear, another issue comes up. So I find myself a day, a week, a month older...but nothing more accomplished. This can seem depressing...except again, I can't move closer to something I don't have.
I think at the root of it all is my internal confusion. I have never doubted the existence of God. After all, I did the work. I did the research. Really, there are pretty limited options for the beginning. Either a sentient, powerful being created life...or pure chance did.
Now, the idea that a powerful, sentient being exists outside of the constraints of time is scary. If that is true then it behooves us to find out what He wants and then...we better do it. Yet...where would this sentient being come from? Would not He also have to have a beginning?
The answer is so simple it is scary...no. He wouldn't. After all, time is a limitation on mankind, not on God. Certainly if you can create time then you exist outside of it and have the power to control it. Furthermore, it is not as if we have a complete grasp of time anyway.
For example, every four years we add a day to "correct" the calendar, but even that is a stopgap measure that needs touched up every couple centuries. Time is not as certain as we like to think it is.
Nor is time static. The light we see today does not exist today in a sense...it "existed" hundreds of thousands of light years ago...but we are just now seeing it. As if that is not weird enough...
It is postulated that if you could get in a space ship that could exceed the speed of light, travel to a far enough point, and look back at the earth from that location with a powerful enough telescope, you could actually watch yourself being born. In other words, it would be possible to exist in two places at one time...that were different times.
So if we do not understand time and cannot keep it accurately without constant adjustments, why should we suppose we can understand a being that could create time.
Sure, it requires some "blind" faith...although that faith isn't so blind. The clockwork universe does not seem to me to be so far fetched...except for the part about the Clockmaker just...leaving. There is so much intricacy, so much that cannot mesh by chance but meshes perfectly in our world.
I studied evolution for quite a while. If evolution were true then there would be no need to have a conscience. After all, if I am just an animal, then my instincts should guide me. For all the people who think I am a decent person...that is a very scary thought. In truth, my first instinct and desire is to lash out and hurt people like they have done to me so often.
Sadly, as the scientists who are actually learned in the matter admit, there is not one shred of proof for macro evolution. There has been no species changing into another species. There is not a "missing link"...but a missing chain.
So where else can we have come from? That is harder to say...but in many ways it feels like time is running out to answer that.
Which leads to the crux of the matter. Do I have time to consider how the behavior of other people affects me? Do I have time to consider what their words and actions say about the brand of religion they follow?
I keep going to where I used to go hoping it will be the same as it used to. And I keep coming to the same conclusion...if the book they claim to follow is really the Word of God...they have a different concept of following than I do.
If God has established a book with rules...shouldn't they be followed regardless of the ease or difficulty of following them? I mean, I read Galatians 5 where it talks about the Fruit of the Spirit being love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control....then I hear people talk about Christian soldiers.
I have seen the damage that hypocrisy has done. Wake up, people. Soldiers are not gentle. They blow smurf up, that is what they do. Soldiers are not peacable...they destroy the enemies capacity and will to resist. Soldiers are not kind...they are vicious and cruel. That is what makes them good soldiers.
Yet people blithely ignore that and come up with justifications to kill, sometimes in the name of God. If half the things done in the name of God really represent His view of what He said...I am very, very disillusioned.
I guess time started this rant, time will end it. It is time to either find people who dedicate their time to God or else give it up altogether. And that is a hard decision to make.