The joys of a hectic life

Tomorrow the spring break ends. It is a mixed blessing. I really enjoyed last term. Well, okay, I enjoyed parts of last term. The Russian History seminar and the Readings in Native American history were fascinating, entertaining, illuminating, and very enjoyable. By contrast, Spanish killed me.
I tend to think in linear fashion. Part of dedicating so much 0f my life to history is the nature of my learning. I tend to learn facts and figures rather than rules. There really are no rules for history.
That statement is vitally important. A lot of people think history does have rules. Many historians seem to believe otherwise. They think people always act logically and with the best interests of...someone. It is hard to define who. The debate over upstreaming or downstreaming needs to take this into account. The truth of the matter is sometimes people do not act for the good of their God, their country, their family, or even their own person. Motivations are not always clear. Sometimes events happen that are reacted to with anger, shock, and even...sometimes...hard as this is to believe...stupidly.
There, it is out, it has been said. Not every great historical figure was at the top of his game at every moment. They were just like you and me. Sometimes they acted with wisdom, foresight, and goodness. Sometimes they behaved with malice aforethought, greed, shortsightedness. And sometimes they were just plain stupid.
Looking at history and thinking everything was going to lay out perfectly and according to plan is just silly. Sometimes I wish people would write what happened without the embellishments. Let us be honest. Motivations of people long since dead are guesses. They might be educated guesses. They might be accurate guesses. But that is all they are...there is no certainty.
I have studied the events surrounding the beginning of the American Revolution. I have seen it claimed as everything from an rebellion over taxes and kingly authority to a rebellion foisted upon the ignorant many by the wealthy few for the sole purpose of creating a position of royalty for themselves. I have seen it argued that every house had a gun. A few terms ago I had a professor who argued that most colonists would not have known how to fire a gun, much less had possession of one. All these viewpoints come from the same documents.
How important is the motivation to the reality? In some cases, very much so. Andrew Jackson is revered as a national hero due to his military accomplishments...but also for his success in the Removal of the civilized tribes. Why did he do it? Remini tried to claim it was for the good of the tribes. Others claim Jackson hated the Indians. If you read his actual writings he seemed to do both
Either way, the net result was the Trail of Tears, not as an individual and tragic event, but as amemory of the mistreatment of all Native Americans by the United States as we expanded to cover a continent.
When I look at history, these are the things I consider. I look at documents. I compare dates, claims, look at outside events that might impact the decisions that were made. In those rare instances where I have a test rather than need to write a paper, I go back over the pages of notes I took while researching the topic. If you saw my apartment you would know what I mean. There are notebooks everywhere labeled with everything from "Enlightenment v. Romanticism: Why Mary Shelley and Frankenstein are important" to "Symbolism in the Arab-Israeli conflict; Churchill's White Papers and the Lebanese struggle" to "More's Utopia: where the British went wrong".
I always have notes around. The notes for my current project are almost into their second notebook. Any time I have a question I simply refer to the appropriate notebook and have my answer.
Compare that to Spanish. We study it in what is called "immersion". It says right there in the textbook to not worry about learning the words or rules for grammar. This goes against every fiber of my being. So of course I did it my typical way. I made flashcards. I studied them, memorized the words, used the words. I studied the grammar sections repeatedly. And son of a smurf...the rules change. The same word might have 4 different...and by different, I mean it means "what" and "I cook"...meanings. The grammar rules and changing word endings...it is driving me nuts.
I have always regarded myself as a reasonably intelligent person. I can speak well enough to get along, I write fairly well when I wish, I maintain excellent grades at the university, and I am able to grasp the concepts my friends present.
Then I reach Spanish. Now it is my turn to feel like a blithering idiot. I should carry a spray bottle around so I could always have a spot of drool. I don't ever know what I am supposed to know. I understand one word in twenty in class. I don't get the assignments, I do not understand how or why the pronunciations are the way they are. And the whole time the instructor smiles, nods, and tells me how well I am doing. If I am doing so well, why do I never understand?
Tomorrow is the first class in three weeks. Once more I will spend an hour and a half wondering if I have even an average IQ. I will come home irritated and frustrated. All because we have this university system. I am glad to be learning Spanish. I want to be able to communicate well with my in-laws. I want to expand my awareness and my knowledge of our neighbors. But smurf...I wish it was as easy as history. .